he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do vagina's smell?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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