I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
