There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you would pick up someone in the library
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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