i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize