Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize