wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
