What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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