The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
