so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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