What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
