Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sobbing to NWA
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
