are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
