he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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