make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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