i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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