So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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