Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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