she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
