I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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