So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
