His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
