i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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