i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
