my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
