who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Randomize
