Jerry, you need to find god
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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