i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
