I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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