I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
