Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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