So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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