do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
