Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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