If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
