Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
