What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
