im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
