Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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