Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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