Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
