At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
a search helicopter?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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