Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
