Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
