i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
