dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
