They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
