im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
