Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
