i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
