I just threw up on my dentist
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
