I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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