It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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