His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
