I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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