Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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