what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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