Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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