Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
