no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
