you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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