Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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