She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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