Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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