smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
