You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
MIDGETS
????
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
