I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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