I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
