i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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