Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
