Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
