I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
